As I slept that night I thought hard to find people who gave me REAL LOVE. Well I have to admit there weren’t many.
Some who did, I misunderstood their intentions and spoiled my relationships with them.
I felt sorry for my misbehavior, I decided to call them up to say that I was sorry.
I was totally surprised and moved when each of them said, something like “Oh, It’s OK. I love you and I am happy that you are safe”
It gave me a new meaning to the word LOVE. For me it became ‘a feeling of caring for someone’s well-being & happiness as much as your own or even more, no matter what – yeah, no matter what!’
That night I went to sleep feeling deeply relieved and had dreams of past and even saw the ‘Shadow Man’ giving me some new cloths and saying ‘it’s time to change’. I realized he is one of those too…
Our next meeting was a memorable one. I got up early prayed my fajr salat and decided to talk to him… inside.
I could sense his presence within me, as if he is trying to communicate something. I wanted to listen. So I just closed my eyes… It felt like time has stood still…
“So are you ready” He asked
“Ready for what?” I wanted to know more
“Ready to learn and change” He replied
“Yes, I am but I want to ask few more questions” I said
“Good, it’s in your questions that you will find answers. What’s your question?” He smiled as he replied
“What about the legends… I mean people like Laila Majnoo etc. They could not live without each other. ” I asked
He laughed out loud before he said, “Most of these legends are fictions – but let’s say Laila and Majnoo were married and were left in the deserts of Arabia… just after few days, they would have eaten each other. You know, when one is hungry the beloved seems like a ‘chicken tikka’”
“I don’t think this is funny” I said “I mean, they did have REAL LOVE between them, didn’t they?”
“Well I don’t know any of those ‘legends’ personally and I think it’s foolish to believe things about people your barely know. So their level of intimacy was REAL or not I don’t know” He replied seriously
I thought he has a point. However since I had been seeing people around me forming opinions about things, people, events they barely knew anything about… I had learned to do the same. But I was ‘ready to learn and change’.
“So what should we do?” I asked
“About what?” He replied to my question with a question
“About with people who truly love us, but we end up hurting them?” I asked
“What you did last night. That’s the best thing. Talk to them, and let them know as sincerely as you can what you feel about the issue and why you did what you did. If they TRULY LOVE you they will have no issues rather they will appreciate your reaching out to them. It’s what you experienced with those that you called, right?” He replied
“Absolutely, right but what if they don’t” I said
“Pray for them… what’s important is not what they say or how they respond, what’s really important is that you do what you are supposed to. This will also give you a chance to know if they truly loved you or not PLUS if you should carry them in your heart & mind and in your life or just let them go!” He replied
“What else, I mean how else could I know?” I wanted to know more
“Look into your heart, you may have a warm feeling that indicates love or a cold feeling that indicates indifference from the other person” He replied
His answer was very encouraging for me. I had couple of people that I really needed to settle things down but I didn’t feel courageous enough to talk to them. But at that moment I decided to call them. I told him that and asked.
“What is the best time to call them” I asked
“NOW. Do it right now… because at the moment you are in the best frame of mind that you can talk to them with total sincerity. Just don’t try to be too long. Say in as few words as you can.”
I remembered once one of my neighbors had picked a fight with me about something I had nothing to do with. Even though my neighbor shouted at me, I didn’t fight back or say a word. A while later he wrote me a letter saying he was sorry for his behavior and that it was his fault. I felt good for him.
I opened my eyes and called them.
The first person I spoke with busted into tears saying, “I love you for who you are and I always will love you. We are a family, you don’t have to think about it anymore”
I could feel warmth inside my heart. I knew, it’s a new beginning of an old relationship.
We talked for a while, shared some really nice memories and committed to stay in touch and meet sometime soon. I must say, I had never felt such a relief as if, some burden has been removed from my chest.
The other person didn’t seem very happy receiving my call.
In fact they refused to talk about anything and said, “Well it’s over, I am busy now” and hung up. I felt kind of cold talking to this person.
I got busy with day to day stuff during rest of that day.
I wanted to talk to my man, my ‘Shadow man’ as I had few more questions. But I didn’t get a chance that day. But one thing was sure, there was a change, a very positive change deep inside me.
To be continued…
